There’s a fourteen foot plank of white oak hanging precipitously over Georgian Bay. It has a slight twist and warp to it and on close inspection, it’s narrower than your standard diving-board. This piece of wood is aptly named: The Eliminator; a harrowing diving-board with a penchant for catapulting would-be playful swimmers into convulsing journeys arse-over-teakettle into Georgian Bay.
This is no ordinary diving-board. The Eliminator requires mastery. It amplifies miscalculation. The over confident end up bucked into back-flops or unintended ‘first time ever’ flips. Where a typical board has a short bounce and kick, The Eliminator has Looney Toons exaggerated launch sequence. When you hit it, it loads up energy slowly, bending down the ten or so feet to the water storing tension then... THWANG!!! You’re sent on your way - via con dios amigo. The resulting arc of flight and deadly plummet is a fortnight of howls, frantic arm thrusts and terror stricken eyes.
I mention The Eliminator because it is one badass piece of wood. It sparks conversations, it has a beguiling beauty, and it separates the wheat from the chaff.